第281页
《简·爱(英文版)》章节:第281页,宠文网网友提供全文无弹窗免费在线阅读。!
'It is hard work to control the workings of inclination and turn
the bent of nature; but that it may be done, I know from experience.
God has given us, in a measure, the power to make our own fate; and
when our energies seem to demand a sustenance they cannot get- when
our will strains after a path we may not follow- we need neither
starve from inanition, nor stand still in despair: we have but to seek
another nourishment for the mind, as strong as the forbidden food it
longed to taste- and perhaps purer; and to hew out for the adventurous
foot a road as direct and broad as the one Fortune has blocked up
against us, if rougher than it.
'A year ago I was myself intensely miserable, because I thought I
had made a mistake in entering the ministry: its uniform duties
wearied me to death. I burnt for the more active life of the world-
for the more exciting toils of a literary career- for the destiny of
an artist, author, orator; anything rather than that of a priest: yes,
the heart of a politician, of a soldier, of a votary of glory, a lover
of renown, a luster after power, beat under my curate's surplice. I
considered; my life was so wretched, it must be changed, or I must
die. After a season of darkness and struggling, light broke and relief
fell: my cramped existence all at once spread out to a plain without
bounds- my powers heard a call from heaven to rise, gather their
full strength, spread their wings, and mount beyond ken. God had an
errand for me; to bear which afar, to deliver it well, skill and
strength, courage and eloquence, the best qualifications of soldier,
statesman, and orator, were all needed: for these all centre in the
good missionary.
'A missionary I resolved to be. From that moment my state of mind
changed; the fetters dissolved and dropped from every faculty, leaving
nothing of bondage but its galling soreness- which time only can heal.
My father, indeed, opposed the determination, but since his death, I
have not a legitimate obstacle to contend with; some affairs
settled, a successor for Morton provided, an entanglement or two of
the feelings broken through or cut asunder- a last conflict with human
weakness, in which I know I shall overcome, because I have vowed
that I will overcome- and I leave Europe for the East.'
He said this, in his peculiar, subdued, yet emphatic voice;
looking, when he had ceased speaking, not at me, but at the setting
sun, at which I looked too. Both he and I had our backs towards the
path leading up the field to the wicket. We had heard no step on the
grass-grown track; the water running in the vale was the one lulling
sound of the hour and scene; we might well then start when a gay
voice, sweet as a silver bell, exclaimed-
'Good evening, Mr. Rivers. And good evening, old Carlo. Your dog is
quicker to recognise his friends than you are, sir; he pricked his
ears and wagged his tail when I was at the bottom of the field, and