宠文网 > 世界上最富哲理的美文 > 第37章 赞美的力量
第37章 赞美的力量
Read the article quickly and answer the following questions.
1. Did you ever praise people without trying to get something from them?
2. In your opinion what’s the most important principle of getting along with the others?
I was waiting in line to register a letter in the post office at Thirty-third Street and Eighth Avenue in New York. I noticed that the clerk appeared to be bored with the job—weighing envelopes, handing out stamps, making change, issuing receipts—the same monotonous grind year after year.
So I said to myself: “ I am going to try to make that clerk like me. Obviously, to make him like me, I must say something nice, not about myself, but about him. So I asked myself, what is there about him that I can honestly admire?”
That is sometimes a hard question to answer, especially with strangers; but, in this case, it happened to be easy. I instantly saw something I admired no end.
So while he was weighing my envelope, I remarked with enthusiasm: “I certainly wish I had your head of hair.”
He looked up, half-startled, his face beaming with smiles.
“Well, it isn’t as good as it used to be, ” he said modestly.
I assured him that although it might have lost some of its pristine glory,nevertheless it was still magnificent. He was immensely pleased. We carried on a pleasant little conversation and the last thing he said to me was: “Many people have admired my hair.”
I’ll bet that person went out to lunch that day walking on air. I’ll bet he went home that night and told his wife about it. I’ll bet he looked in the mirror and said: “It is a beautiful head of hair.”
I told this story once in public and a man asked me afterwards: “ What did you want to get out of him?”
What was I trying to get out of him!!!What was I trying to get out of him!!! If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can’t radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return—if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.
Oh yes, I did want something out of that chap. I wanted something priceless. And I got it. I got the feeling that I had done something for him without his being able to do anything whatever in return for me. That is a feeling that flows and sings in your memory long after the incident is past.
There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble. In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness. But the very instant we break the law, we shall get into endless trouble.
The law is this: Always make the other person feel important. John Dewey, as we have already noted, said that the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature; and William James said：“ The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. ” As I have already pointed out, it is this urge that differentiates us from the animals. It is this urge that has been responsible for civilization itself.
Philosophers have been speculating on the rules of human relationships for thousands of years, and out of all that speculation, there has evolved only one important precept. It is not new. It is as old as history. Zoroaster taught it to his followers in Persia twenty-five hundred years ago. Confucius preached it in China twenty-four centuries ago: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”
有一次，在纽约33街区的一个邮局里，我正在排队寄一封挂号信，无意间发现那位负责收寄挂号信的工作人员看起来对工作很厌烦的样子——称信、取邮票、找零、开收据……年复一年地重复着这些单调乏味的动作。
于是，我暗暗对自己说：“我一定要让这个人注意我。显然，让他注意我，我就一定要对他说一些赞美的话——不是关于我的，而是关于他的。”于是，我问自己：“他身上有哪些东西值得我称赞呢？”
有时，这样的问题很难有答案，特别是在面对一个陌生人的时候。然而，巧合的是，我一眼就发现了他身上值得我称赞的地方。这样一来，事情就变得简单多了。
于是当他为我称信时，我热情地对他说：“我真希望能有像您这样的好头发。”
听了我的话，他抬起了头，显得有些吃惊，脸上还露出一丝由衷的微笑。
“不过，现在没有以前的好了。”他很谦虚地说。
我真诚地对他说，尽管头发的光泽或许比以前稍差了点，不过看上去依然很不错。他显得非常高兴，我们开心地聊了起来。最后，他对我说：“许多人都曾夸奖过我的头发。”
我相信，他那天吃午餐的时候肯定是心情欢畅的；我相信，他晚上回家后，肯定会跟他的妻子讲起这件事；我还相信，他会站在镜子前欣赏着自己的头发，并由衷地说上一句：“我的头发多漂亮啊！”
我曾经在一个公开场合讲过这个故事。故事讲完后有个人问我：“您希望从他那里得到些什么呢？”
我想从他那里得到些什么！！！我想从他那里得到些什么！！！假如我们都是如此自私，做什么事情唯一的目的就是贪图他人的回报，那么我们就不会给他人带去一丝快乐，就会吝于给他人一句真诚的赞美。如果我们的灵魂如此卑微，那么陪伴我们的只会是失败和沮丧，绝不是成功和幸福。
是的。我确实想从那个人的身上得到某种东西，某种珍贵无价的东西。最终，我也确实得到了。我得到了这种感觉，在不求回报的前提下，做了一件让他感到高兴的事情。这件事过去以后，我仍会时常想起，而且有一种历历在目的感受。
人类的行为中有一条举足轻重的法则。遵守它，便能为自己带来无尽的快乐和数不清的朋友；悖逆它，则会陷入无尽的烦忧之中。
这条法则就是：一直让别人感觉到被重视。正如约翰·杜威先生所说的：“人类的天性中最强烈的渴望就是得到他人的重视。” 威廉·詹姆斯也说过：“人类的天性中最深刻的原则就是参与。” 就像我前面指出的那样，这种强烈的愿望正是人类区别于动物的重要特征，也正是这种力量推动了人类文明。
千百年来，哲学家们始终不遗余力地推敲着人类关系准则。经过所有的推敲发现，唯有一种至关重要的理念。这一理念并非什么新发明，它一直伴随着人类历史的进程。两千五百年前的波斯拜火教的创始人就已开始传输这种理念。它就是孔子在两千四百年前所宣扬的：“己所不欲，勿施于人；己所欲者，亦施于人。”
赞美是一种激励，可以使人信心十足，表现得比以前更好。我们每个人都喜欢被赞扬，那就不要吝啬你的赞美，每个人身上都有闪光点，去发现并赞美它们的同时，你会发现你也变得快乐，你的生活也在改变。
Ace in the Hole
Keywords and expressions
be in charge of，take charge of，be responsible for
be in charge of 管理，由……负责，对……具有掌控权。
例：He is in charge of this island.
他掌控这座小岛。
take charge of 开始接管，管理；照顾某人。
例：John will take charge of the next meeting.
约翰将主持下一次会议。
be responsible for 对……负责，是造成……的原因。
例：The careless operation and the bad weather are responsible
for the big fire.
粗心的操作和糟糕的天气是造成这次大火的原因。
Chucks in Practice
Translate the following sentences into English or Chinese.
1. Always make the other person feel important.
______
2. 人类的天性中最强烈的渴望就是得到他人的重视。
______
Now a Try
试着运用be bored with, happen to, carry on 撰写150字的小短文。